Tuesday, February 28
Saturday, February 25
Slicing through the undergrowth, this meaty chopper thrusts forth like Excalibur majestically released from it's stony shackles! The vivid colour echoes the Templar-like cross in the background - this meaty machete really is the stuff of legends!
Thursday, February 23
Tuesday, February 21
Saturday, February 18
NOBART: ORIGINS 2.
The Sole to Pole Ratio: Early Beginnings
Prof. Belle Ennde
The Valcamonica valley in Northern Italy, nestled between the lakes of Como and Garda, is home to one of Europe's richest collection of rock art. The inviting surfaces of limestone and other calcareous rock were left open to prehistoric people as the ice caps retreated, willing the valleys inhabitants to whip out their tools and start banging away. And naturally, that's what they did. The rock art of the Valcamonica valley consists typically of zoomorphs or anthropomorphs many depicting hunting scenes as can be seen in fig 1. Later images dating from the first metal age also commonly feature tools. In fig 2. we can see one such example. A little figure almost dwarved by his massive tackle, he is out among the other horned animals, waving his weapon about and generally causing havoc.
The Nobservatory has been speculating wildly and groundbreaking research is currently being conducted in the area. A distinct feature in Valcamonican rock art is the random depiction of footprints, "footsoles", which have stumped experts for decades. Nobservatory researchers believe Valcamonica may be the first known source of the largely mythologised "sole to pole ratio" of phallic measurement. The footprints occur in pairs all over the site and whereas in other European rock art, depictions of footsoles are often easily identified as some sort of directional indicator, the Valcamonica ones are bunged anywhere, willy-nilly as it were. The Nobservatory is now championing the view that they were created as a scale against which a chap could measure his chap, the image in figure two supports this hypothesis. Though a very basic anthropomorphic study, the cock is clearly prominent, and closer comparison between the dimensions of the todger against those of the tootsies reveal a startling Vitruvian ratio. The length of the foot is equal to the breadth of the fully extended knacker sack which bisects the main shaft at precisely the point where another footsole-length from the tip terminates, then another 0.6 of a footsole to where it joins its character. A revelation in what we knew of early-man maths. Or early man-maths. To have been endowed with such a generously, not to mention perfectly proportioned winkie, this character must depict a someone very important in the settlement - the cock of the village, perhaps.
Scarre, C. The Human Past, London (2009)
Scarre, C. The Human Past, London (2009)
Paul G. Bahn, J. David Lewis-Williams, Christopher Chippindale, Jarl Nordbladh, Polly Schaafsma, David Frankel "Rock Art" The Oxford Companion to Archaeology. Brian M. Fagan, ed., Oxford University Press 1996. Oxford Reference Online. Oxford University Press. The Open University. http://www.oxfordreference.com/views/ENTRY.html?subview=Main&entry=t136.e0372-s0003 [13 February 2012]
Maretta, A "Digging the Past: 100 years of research on Valcamonica Rock Art" (n.d.) http://www.scribd.com/Alberto%20Marretta/d/19769466-Digging-The-Past-100-years-of-research-on-Valcamonica-rock-art [13 February 2012]
Image: OUA251 Rock Gallery, Open University [13 February 2012]
Friday, February 17
It's Cute, It's a Dog, It's a Nob, you can show it to your Mum.
Found on the Internets by nobservent reader - MinerWilly
This wonderful Fluffy Percy is doing the rounds on the internet and was tweeted to NobWatchUK via @windust,
is this the start of a new web meme - NobDogs ???
Thursday, February 16
Saturday, February 11
Fortunately for Nobwatch, the slot where the machine releases it's load is positioned just so making it look more like a massive bell end.
Thursday, February 9
Welcome to the first chapter of Nobart: Origins, a series of little wee articles on early examples of nobart and nobartefacts from around the world dating from prehistoric times - all the way up until the Victorians ruined it all. Damn prudes!
NOBART: ORIGINS 1
Hohle Fels Hanger: A Stone Age Wanger
Prof. Belle Ennde
In 2005 a team of archaeologists led by Nicholas Conard from the University of Tubingen unearthed this 28,000 year old dong from the Hohle Fels cave in S. W. Germany. The siltstone nob was found in 14 separate pieces which when assembled made a magnificent cock of rock. "It's clearly recognisable" Prof. Conard told the BBC.
Wild speculation blazed through the archaeological community: could the 'life size' representation (20x3cm - for those of you who are interested) suggest it was used as a dildo? Or do the marks on the shaft indicate a function - the knapping of flint?
Intensive research conducted by the Nobservatory points towards its use as a tool, skillfully crafted by it's owner to raise a snigger from the lads and wielded with comedy pride down at the old flint mine.
Tuesday, February 7
Clearly created by a massively skilled sculptor, the snownob shows delicate detail in it's mossy pubes and curvaceous bell. But the most striking thing is it's enormous size - if a car acts as a penis extension, what does this monster say about one's package?
Sunday, February 5
Naturally such a wondrous example of symbolic mascotry can't possibly be featured on a jalopy, this is no wanger for a banger... it must belong to one of those high performance jobs - the only things out on the road today.
The type that has four wheeled drive, wideboy tyres and a smug b@stard in the driver's seat. Nob!
Saturday, February 4
Thursday, February 2
Inevitable that a bit of frost proves irresistible for a post nobernist artist during a post pub amble home. The nob's stark shapes are minimalist and have a crisp modern feel. The shaft is shaped with clinical artlessness like a test tube balancing precariously on compass-drawn bollocks of varying circumference giving the piece a welcome imbalance.